The only surviving evidence of Michael's Miraculous Transformation™!


NOTE: Although I still wear a beard,
the Amazing Beard-o-Meter has been unplugged.
Please make a note of it.


(Psst. Got Flash? Then click here to watch it grow.)


Jan 7, 2004: Funny, but the Amazing Beard-o-Meter is still enjoying moderate popularity even a year after I shaved it. So here's a quick update for the curious/loyal: I've since grown it back but I haven't had the time to photo-document the process again. I've had it for about three months now. It got long, then I trimmed it, now it's getting longer again. Here's a black and white picture from last month. My goal now, if I can stand it (and if my patient bride can stand it), is to let it grow down but not out. I want it long but not bushy. I don't know how to make it do that yet, but I'll keep you posted. Madly, mb.

Day 69 (Mar 13, 2003)

So not only did I miss my weekly obligation again, but I've really been itching to shave it. Literally itching. It's been getting much warmer, and with the warmth comes new sensation in my previously winter-coated cheeks. So off it comes. Say buh-bye.

I figured while I was at it, I might as well take some pictures of it in stages that I'd never actually wear in public. Such as the huge-goatee-with-scraggly-mutton-chops. Aren't I sexxxxxxy?

Here's just plain ol' goatee.

I don't know what the hell this was supposed to be. It kinda reminded me of Derek Smalls.

Here's the moustache-with-soul-patch-and-furrowed-eyebrows. Do I look sad? It's 'cause no one wants moustache rides anymore.

And now, just the soul patch. I contemplated leaving it, but that'd be just too freaking trendy. A soul-patch, in Austin? Crazy, man.

And here's just a quick shot of everything trimmed off except for the layer of stubble, which is roughly equivalent to Day 3 at the verrrry bottom of this page.

And voila! What took me just over two months to grow came off in less than 15 minutes.

Day 56 (Feb 28, 2003)

Well, the beard has definitely come in handy over the last week. Austin was hit by an ice storm that basically shut the whole city down. After some of the ice melted and I went back to work, I took a walk around the capitol building. By the time I got back to the library, ice had formed in my beard, proving its worth as protective fur.

Day 49 (Feb 23, 2003)

Oops, missed a couple days. Oh well. In addition to trimming the moustache on a regular basis, I've also just started trimming around the corners of my jaw. That area grows faster than the rest and tends to get scraggly.

Day 40 (Feb 14, 2003)

Pucker up, it's Valentine's Day!

Day 33 (Feb 7, 2003)

And we've passed one month already! It seems like only yesterday my beard was just cute little stubble. Sigh, they grow up so quick.

Day 26 (Jan 31, 2003)

Drat, I missed day 25! (You'd think I had other important things to do ... Sorry.)

Day 24 (Jan 29, 2003)

Didya hear 'bout the beard growin' contest up in Shamrock, Texas? There's a movie about it, which made it into the SXSW Film Festival.

Day 23 (Jan 28, 2003)

It's long enough for Baby Guthrie to grab now. Ouch. And he could be a little less gleeful when I yelp. Pain should not be entertaining.

Day 22 (Jan 27, 2003)

I think it's almost time to put all these pictures together in a nice animation, don't you?

Day 21 (Jan 26, 2003)

Three weeks. It's a beard. Now, attention will slowly turn away from growth alone and move toward maintenance - trimming, combing, styling. Hey, since I don't have any hair on the top of my head worth fretting over, the beard naturally gets the red carpet treatment.

Day 20 (Jan 25, 2003)

Give us this day our daily beard. Man cannot live on beard alone. Beard and circus. Break Beard with Brad. It's the best thing since sliced beard. (Sick, yet?)

Day 19 (Jan 24, 2003)

Considering that the entire US is falling into the next ice age, I'm glad I decided to start growing my beard again. Has it ever been this cold in South Central Texas?

Day 17 (Jan 22, 2003)

I just wish they had a "Best Blogger's Beard" category. You know you'd vote for me. (:

Day 16 (Jan 21, 2003)

...

Day 15 (Jan 20, 2003)

It's about as much fun as watching paint dry, isn't it?

Day 14 (Jan 19, 2003)

Two weeks! W00t.

Day 13 (Jan 18, 2003)

Gabriel doesn't like it when I kiss him right now because my face is pokey. He usually loves affection, but each time I kiss him, he looks at me as if to say, "Please stop that."

Day 12 (Jan 17, 2003)

Some people like to shave the cheeks. This streamlines the beard. Nothing wrong with that. But I usually grow a beard so that I don't have to shave so much. As it is, I still shave my neck even when I grow a beard (although you couldn't really tell by this picture). Long story short, I leave the cheeks alone.

Day 11 (Jan 16, 2003)

I had an architecture professor who always kept his beard trimmed at exactly this length. No shorter, no longer. He was annoying and pompous as hell. Just before finals, I dreamed that I followed him out to his car one night and shaved the Parthenon into his left cheek and the Temple of Hatshepsut into his right. I made a B in the class.

Day 10 (Jan 15, 2003)

It's long enough to fiddle with now. Mmmm, soft ... fuzzy ... but touching it all the time makes it itch. Touching the beard, I mean.

Day 9 (Jan 14, 2003)

Getting a little darker, a little thicker. Some people call it scraggly. I prefer the term 'artistic'.

Day 8 (Jan 13, 2003)

Of course I realize only now that the camera has been pointing this whole time right at the one spot on my chin where hair is even remotely sparse. See that nice, round, ball-like chin? There'll be a flesh-colored Death Star there until the beard grows long enough to cover it.

Day 7 (Jan 12, 2003)

Here's a week's worth of beard. It's totally George Michael. You can see a definite "aura" under the chin - a good sign that we're well on our way to real beardage.

Day 6 (Jan 11, 2003)

Okay, we're smack dab in the middle of the, "Dude, you need to shave already" period. This is the worst phase of beard growing. Is he growing a beard? Did he just forget to shave? What the--? Patience is the key to enduring this period.

Day 5 (Jan 10, 2003)

Yep, it's definitely stubblin' up. And notice that the neck has been successfully removed.

Day 4 (Jan 9, 2003)

Getting more stubbly, darker. Notice the neck growth. I very much dislike the neck growth. It will be eradicated immediately.

Day 3 (Jan 8, 2003)

Stubbly. Five o'clock shadow two days late.